Dare to ask Dare
Expats and Russians alike ask celebrity columnist Deidre Dare questions about life in Moscow
Dear Dame Deidre:
Are men and women “created equal”? And if yes, what about afterwards?
Dear Respectful One:
The first thing I did when I got your question was look up the meaning of “Dame.” It entered Middle English from the Latin word “domina” and means “lady.” The word is used as a title to address a woman in authority. In this case, said woman “in authority” would be me.
So I immediately liked you.
However, it’s obvious to me that you aren’t a big believer in equality. Big believers in equality don’t go slinging the title “Dame” around willy-nilly.
Now to get to your question: No, men and women are not “created equal.”
Females are by far the superior sex. Ask any Russian chick.
And we can have multiple orgasms.
In fact we’re so much better than men that I think the term “Dame” should be used to address each and every woman on the planet from now on. Seriously.
xxoo Dame DD
I work for an English law firm and so does my gay friend, and he is moving to Moscow soon for his secondment. What’s the “take-it-up-the-butt” situation like there? I know your advice tends to border on racy, but seriously, he’s afraid of some major Cossack crackdown. He’s the LA-type, so he needs all the help he can get.
Dear Friend of He Who Fears Cossacks:
Okay. You want me to be serious. Fine. I can do that.
In Moscow, homosexuals are considered by the establishment to be the equivalent of “weapons of mass destruction.” Therefore, I highly suggest your Cossack-fearing friend to avoid gay rights parades, public displays of affection and the Mayor’s office.
If he follows those simple rules, he’ll be fine. I have more gay friends here than I had in New York City and I can easily put him in touch with a pretty cool crowd.
On another note, I think your mate should do some research into Russian culture before he comes here. Because to date I haven’t seen a single Cossack gallop through the streets of Moscow.
But then again, it’s Moscow, so I guess you never know what you’ll see tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way: that’s “Dame Deidre” to you.
xxoo, Dame DD
Is date rape a big problem for girls who go out in Moscow?
Dear Potential Victim:
Short of guys actually using the Date Rape Drug on women, I really don’t get the whole concept of “date rape.” If it’s true that women who are smashed out of their minds lose the ability to voluntarily consent to sex, then my life in Moscow has been one long gang rape. As has every other girl’s I know.
And since the men here are usually just as smashed out of their minds, why aren’t they being raped too? Why isn’t there a notion of “mutual rape?” Maybe because the conversation the next morning would be too absurd:
“You raped me!
“No! You raped me!”
Maybe we simply call it even.
I think the point of alcohol is to rid ourselves of inhibitions. Because of that, both sexes want lots of things when they’re on the piss that they might wish, the next day, that they hadn’t wanted. Like that fifth shot of vodka. Or to tearfully call their ex-lovers on the telephone. Or to offer to give $10,000 to a struggling artist one meets in Soho Rooms. Or to go to Sparrow Hill in the middle of winter and watch the sunrise. Just to name a few of next-day regrets I’ve had lately.
So depending on how you look at it, either date rape is a HUGE problem in this boozed-up town or it’s non-existent. Your call.
xxoo, Dame DD
I am from New Zealand and I want to know why all the pretty young Russian girls I date are so messed up in the head?
Stop dating eighteen year-olds.
xxoo, Dame DD
I am a Moscow-born, American-educated lady who has lived in the US for 12 years and is now back in Moscow. What do you think about Russian men in bed? My friends and I find them inadequate in sex. They jump up and down for 5 minutes and satisfy themselves only. I would think that having a bigger women supply here in Moscow, they would be more sophisticated in their skills, but God, no. They are more primitive than primitive men. Any advice to find better sex in Moscow?
Dear Involuntarily Frigid:
I agree with you completely. I’ve been a Jumpee myself on many occasions. In fact, in the two years I’ve been in Moscow, I’ve had exactly two orgasms off Russian men. And most girls here consider THAT extremely lucky!
My advice for finding better sex here? Masturbation.
xxoo Dame DD